is how things were meant to be one way, and somehow will come out as another. we do not necessarily mean something, but it is understood a different way. so subconsciously, are we actually saying something that we didn’t really know we meant, but actually we did? really, i cherish this all. the experience of learning this is unique, and it makes me all the more weary of losing the opportunity to learn like the way that it is brought about. simply put, i really miss everything that i now do not have, yet i know that the process of losing it was important for me to understand how much it means to me in the first place. and i pray earnestly with the hope for resolution.